Mom Guilt Struggle is Real…
Us moms wear so many hats and that can lead to major mom guilt! Most of us work in some capacity or another other than motherhood and home needs, take care of the animals, take care of the kids and keep them alive, school work with the kiddos, shuttle everyone to activities and play dates. We have to keep the kids happy and entertained, all while breaking up fights and referee between the kids. Then cooking endless meals and snacks all day long. We have the pressure to do all the things and be the perfect wife and mom.
But where does that pressure come from? Do we really need to be perfect and do ALL the things ALL the time?
Why Do You Feel Mom Guilt?
Moms get mom guilt for having to do all the things on their responsibilities list and not be with their children 24/7 or there’s the guilt for wanting to actually not be with your children 24/7 because they are driving you crazy.
Guilt for not being a crafty mom.
Mom Guilt for not being all the things society tells us moms we should be.
You don’t need to be anyone other than who God has created you to be. So you have no crafty bone in your body and your stick figure people look like a tree, that is ok. Just draw stick trees everytime you sit down to color with your kids.
Society tells us that we need to have all the skills and do all the things perfectly. That isn’t how we were designed. Your kid is crafty and wants help, pull up a youtube video, call up a friend that is skilled in the craft department and set up a play date so she can help your kiddo in the craft department. That is why us moms need community!
Mom guilt is a real thing and it can drive a wedge between us and our family. Instead of being the mom and wife you were designed to be, we are trying to be someone else. God gave you your husband. God gave you your kids. He doesn’t make mistakes.
God is intentional
God isn’t sitting there at the table watching you draw your stick trees with your kid thinking: Wow, Jesus, what were we thinking?! Why didn’t we give little Spencer to Betty over here. She is so crafty and could teach him to draw everything!
NO! He is sitting there at the table smiling at your stick trees thinking: “You are perfect for little Spencer. He needs you to show him how to make mistakes and draw things not so perfect and be able to laugh at yourself. Spencer needs you to sit here and bond with him over these poorly drawn pictures because he had a really rough day at school and needs a mom to show him he is important. You are the perfect mom for that. I didn’t make a mistake when I made you his mom.” No mom guilt needed.
So we know in our minds that we don’t need to feel guilty for working instead of being with our kids all day. We know we don’t need to feel guilty for taking an evening sending them with a sitter to have some grown up time. But we do. Why?
Weather we are getting the idea from society that we need to be perfect, someone in our life is telling us we are doing it wrong and should feel guilty because we aren’t doing things the way they think we should, or it’s just expectations we put on ourselves, someone, or something puts an unrealistic idea of what a perfect mom should be.
How do you get rid of mom guilt?
A big component of getting rid of mom guilt is to learn to not compare to other moms.
God made you, you. You are different then everyone else around you. Focus on the strengths God gave you and then just work to be better in the areas you want to grow in.
So you can’t cook. That’s something you can learn and grow in. There are cooking classes, you tube videos, other people in your life that know how to cook. You can ask them to show you some pointers. But don’t feel mom guilt for not having that skill.
Pray and ask God why he made you your kids mom. What strengths and qualities did He give you to help you parent your kids?
I am a good cook. My mom taught me well. It has helped me with my kids because I bring them in the kitchen with me, it gives me bonding time with them and they love to help
I am patient (most of the time, we all have our moments) right now with 2 boys under 2, a college student, and a 10 year old girl that has the emotions of a highly emotional preteen, patience has been very important and it has helped me to be a better mom during this season.
Time to learn some new things!
Some things I had to learn.
You will need to get used to not knowing everything and realizing you are always going to be learning. A huge aspect of my learning curve and being able to lean on others to help. I am a very independent and determined, stubborn person. That has its moments of being great qualities, but it is also difficult for me to ask for help and rely on others when it’s needed.
I was a single mom for 6 years and did it all on my own, help of my family of course, and she had her weekends with her dad. But when she was with me, it was just me. Then I got married and had to learn to bring my husband in on everything. It’s still something that I catch myself doing and need to remind myself that we are on the same team and I need to let him in to help.
What are your strengths?
Where can you grow and learn?
What do you need to let go of guilt and lean on Christ for?
What is something that you need to let go of and let other people in to help?
Lean on your strengths!
Once you can lean on your strengths and trust God without comparing to other moms, you will be able to give yourself grace. You are not perfect, you will never be. Grace is one of the most crucial things you will need.
Give yourself grace and ask for help. Lean on those around you.
I tell my daughter constantly, she probably is so annoyed with hearing it by now: “Take a breath and let it go”. We need to learn to take life as it comes and realize that we don’t have control over the situation, but we can control our feelings about the situation. We need to be intentional about our reactions and not let our emotions take control.
I know, easier said than done. I am a very emotional person. My daughter got that from me. But the Bible says that emotions and feelings shouldn’t lead our actions. It is ok have them, God put them inside us, but we are to not let them control us.
So when you feel the mom guilt start to rise up, pause and remember the strengths God gave you, Take a breath, let it go and give it up to God. You don’t have to be all the things for everyone in your life, you just need to be you!
Love you Mama!
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