Marriage Goals! Build a Strong Marriage With God’s Purpose

background image of two gold wedding bands together overlapping on a gold typed document with the word marriage in cursive under the rings

Is your marriage struggling? Or do you dream of a day where you and your husband are on the same page? Does your marriage feel like something is missing? Today, we start the marriage series to combat what the enemy is throwing at the beauty that God created marriage for. 

Learn to build a strong marriage and live out what God has called you to do together! Put God at the center, grow in your walk with God separately and together, and see transformation like you never dreamed possible.

More marriage posts to come in this series, but while you wait, check out some of the past episodes on marriage linked at the end of this post.

Listen to the full episode here:

Marriage is Not Easy…

Marriage is not easy. It’s downright challenging to say the least. That’s why there are so many divorces. It gets tough. We start our marriage series today! The enemy is coming after marriage and it’s time to shake things up. It’s time to show him that he has no hold on our marriages and that we are going to push past all he is bringing at us and step into the amazing calling God has. It’s not easy, it takes work, it takes time, energy, emotions, and difficult conversations, or not having that conversation when we really want to say our piece or have the final say.

God’s design for marriage is amazing, let’s dive in.

What is God’s Design for Marriage?

And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to [a]Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He [b]made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called [c]Woman, Because she was taken out of [d]Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be[e] joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

Genesis 2:18-25

These verses of the first marriage are the basis for practically everything else the Bible says when it comes to marriage. It also gives us many principles which, if applied, enable us to build solid, satisfying marriages that glorify God. This teaches us that: God designed marriage to meet our need for companionship and to provide a picture of our relationship with Him.

The Enemy is Attacking the Sanctity of Marriage

God’s design for marriage has been attacked for centuries, but the enemy is coming against it in a whole new way in this generation. God created marriage to be beautiful. A life long commitment between a man and a woman. Not to get on a soap box, this is not the purpose of this blog, but now with marriage and gender being attacked, the sanctity of God’s creations is being diminished.

God created man and woman. We were created differently for a reason. Body parts aside, our entire makeup is different. We were made different so we can compliment each other, so when one person has a flaw or a fault, or just something they aren’t great at, their spouse can lift them up, help in those areas. They can grow stronger together and do more mighty things for God’s kingdom than they can alone. With the attack that has been coming at marriage, man and man, woman and woman, or those that decided they have no gender and they want to be cats…

Don’t get me started on that one…

Then there is the ease of divorce, instead of pushing through and actually fighting for your marriage when things get difficult (I’m not meaning when there is abuse in a marriage. If there is abuse, you need to get to safety and seek godly counsel as to what to do next). God created marriage for companionship, partnership, love, sex, intimacy, to be with someone who knows you better than anyone else, to have a best friend, someone to do life with, and a way to show those around you what God’s love is.

We Need Companionship

Humans were created with a need for companionship. We were not created to do life alone. Marriage was designed to fulfill that. Adam was walking the garden with Jesus. Like they were best buds, but still, Adam was lonely and God saw that he needed a companion. That is where Eve came in. Then it was the three of them. Eve didn’t replace Adam’s time walking with Jesus in the garden, but she joined them. God was at the center of their companionship. Adam didn’t get Eve then say “ta-ta Jesus, I’ve got someone better. She’s HOTTTTT, I’ll just stick with her. See ya later!” NO! They joined together as three.

When you start to see God’s view of what marriage should be, you start to view your own marriage differently.

-Jen McGraw

If you are not married, or in a marriage that doesn’t have a good connection or you guys just feel like roommates, maybe you are lonely. This is why. God created marriage to fulfill that longing for partnership. No judgement if you feel lonely. God should fulfill all your needs, but it doesn’t mean that you don’t crave the companionship. That’s the way you were created! It was God’s plan all along!

God is the Author and Creator of Marriage

God is the author of marriage, he designed it. Marriage is far more than two people coming together because they love each other. There is something holy in marriage. We were all created with a purpose. Then God brought you together, as Genesis 2 said, two are now one. Your purpose is now together. It doesn’t mean you don’t have individual things that God has called you to, but your marriage is ministry as well.

When you start to see God’s view of what marriage should be, you start to view your own marriage differently.

You aren’t meant to complete each other, you are meant to show what God’s love is to those around you through your marriage and love for each other. You are meant to be each others companion. God didn’t say to Adam, you aren’t enough, you need a woman to complete you, he said you need a companion and a helper suitable to you. God didn’t say to Eve, now you are created and Adam completes you, no, it was about partnership and companionship. Of course, even when you are married and your marriage is great, you still need friends and people in your life and a community. We were all built for community, but our marriage is our primary source for companionship.

God Wants to Be The Center of Your Marriage

Since God designed marriage, He desires to be at the center of yours. I heard someone say a long time ago that marriage is like a triangle, God at the top and the husband and wife at the bottom. The closer the husband and wife move to God, the closer they move to each other. When you both focus on your relationship with God, your marriage will grow and you two will become closer.

Marriage isn’t easy. Good things usually aren’t. So many people, at the first sign of trouble or heartache, they throw in the towel. They decide it’s easier to give up than to stick with it and push through the hard to get to the good.

God is the author of marriage, he designed it. Marriage is far more than two people coming together because they love each other. There is something holy in marriage.

-Jen McGraw

If you listened to the first marriage podcast series I did last year, I had my husband on a few episodes (I’ll link that series below). We talked about some of the struggles we had in the beginning of our marriage. Communication was a huge problem, and we will address that in an upcoming blog in this series, but it was also expectations (don’t worry, we will talk more about that too). We didn’t look at our marriage through a biblical lens. We expected each other to complete the other person. I think I expected him to complete me more than he did. We didn’t see it as a ministry. We went into it selfishly, as an ‘I need this from you’ attitude, instead of how God would desire us to go into it with His love, an attitude of ‘how can I serve you’.

Service, that is tough. Especially in a marriage. When you come into your marriage like God comes into His relationship with you, with a servant’s heart, out of love and affection and compassion, that is when you will see change.

We Struggled…A Lot!

We struggled a lot in the beginning of our marriage. In our marriage, we have gone through a lot of trials and storms. Some was just life, like our miscarriages, financial hardships and just the basics of blending families since we each were coming into the marriage with kids of our own. And some were because we didn’t see God’s purpose in our marriage. We knew, and we thought God was at the center, but He wasn’t. He was an after thought and the way we treated each other and spoke to each other revealed that clearly.

So how did we come out of that and on the other side?

Now, don’t get me wrong, we are far from perfect and each still have our moments, I’ve even told you some of those moments in the podcast episodes. I don’t hide it. But the thing is, we learned how to work through it in love. Each struggle we have, we come out of it stronger because we have put Christ at the center and we see God’s purpose in our marriage. We look at each other in love (even when we may not be thrilled with the other person) our love for each other is not contingent on our spouse’s actions or words.

It is because my husband is a child of God. God gave him to me and I want to honor God in my actions, words, and attitude whether I feel like it or not.

I love him because God loves him.

I love him because God trusted me to be his wife.

We have each worked on our personal relationship with God, and as we did that, we completed the triangle. We grew closer to God, and in turn, grew closer to each other.

Do You Feel Alone in Your Marriage Goals?

What if you feel like you are the only one in the marriage that cares? The only one that wants to change your marriage for the better? The only one that wants to grow and connect? Maybe your spouse thinks things are fine, or is totally oblivious to the fact that things aren’t great right now. Maybe your spouse doesn’t care if things change or they don’t want to put the effort in.

You aren’t alone.

I am blessed to have a husband that cares and wants our marriage to continue to grow, but I have worked with many women who are not so blessed in that area. It takes a lot of help from God and encouragement and someone to walk through it with you as you wait to see that change. You can go to a pastor or a friend that gives you godly advice. That’s key, not someone that is going to say ‘oh yeah you should just give up, it’s not worth it’. Or you can book time with me and I can help you, pray with you and walk through it with you as you go through this. But really, this is where you have to trust and rely on God.

God is good, he brought you together, and He is the author and creator of all things good! Get on your knees. Pray, fast, whatever you need to do. But God is where things will change.

Pray First to See Change

There are a lot of things in the natural you can do, but in everything that you do it needs to be Christ centered. Before you talk about things that are bothering you, pray, ask God to give you the right words to say and the right way to say it so your spouse can understand and actually hear what you are saying. I don’t mean sit and be silent, but it also doesn’t mean you need to say everything on your mind.

Some of the biggest changes came from me praying and being silent. I wasn’t always silent when something happened and I knew I needed to speak up, but I went into the conversation in prayer and the words just flowed. It was in those conversations I could feel God’s presence. He was there and those are the conversations that resulted in the most change in our marriage. Sometimes you need to speak up, and sometimes you need to pray and be silent. I know, that’s pretty vague, but when you are focused on God and praying for your marriage and each situation, the Holy Spirit will tell you when it’s time to be silent and when it’s time to speak up and what to say.

Since God designed marriage, He desires to be at the center of yours.

-Jen McGraw

Work on You!

While you are praying and waiting for change, work on you. I’m not perfect. You aren’t perfect. As much as we want to think we are, we aren’t. There are always things we need to be working on in ourselves. Work on you, as you work on you and focus and grow closer to God, things will begin to transform.

The Restored Mama Method is one of the best ways you can focus on all the areas in your life, your walk with God, time management, your perspective, mental state, emotional state, boundaries, priorities, and so much more! We work through it all and you get 6 months of group coaching with me. We can tackle these areas, and we can talk through things in your marriage too. I’m not a therapist, but I have been there and God has given me wisdom and insight when it comes to marriage, parenting, and motherhood, and it is my joy to help you and see that transformation in your life and your marriage!

I love you mama. I can’t wait to see you in the Restored Mama Method and get to know you. Apply these things to your marriage and you will begin to see amazing transformation. It’s not easy. It’s not always fun, and sometimes you have to wait for things that you may want to see instant change in, but believe me mama…It’s worth it!

Listen to the episode to hear the prayer over you and your marriage!

background image of two gold wedding bands together overlapping on a gold typed document with the word marriage in cursive under the rings with title Marriage Goals! Build a strong marriage with God's purpose

Love you Mama!

Jen McGraw

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