Has the thought ever crossed your mind…who am I? Who am I apart from the title mom? If you aren’t careful, being a mom will take over and you can lose yourself in motherhood. It happens all too often. Don’t get me wrong, being a mom is the best job in the whole world!
I couldn’t imagine my life without my kiddos and would never go back to not having the title mom. But being a mom isn’t the ONLY job we are called to do. So who are you apart from being a mom? Do you know or did you lose yourself? What happens when your kids grow up and leave the house, what will you do? Do you know who you are without the kids around? When we have kids living at home, our lives can tend to revolve around them, no matter their ages, but it doesn’t mean you should give up your dreams, passions, and hearts desires.
God has put those in you for a reason. Let’s explore how to get that back!
In my anniversary celebration episode on marriage, I discuss how important it is to find out who you are, what you need, and how to fulfill that need without others, just you and Jesus. Then all you get from your spouse, and kids (but let’s face it, the kids mostly take, it’s that “I love you mom”, or little kids giggle or random hug that makes up for all the take) but all you get from everyone else is just extra. A huge bonus.
Don’t Lose Yourself, Enhance Your Amazingness Instead
I want to piggy back on that a little bit but take it a step further into your motherhood. I know you want to be an amazing mom, and maybe that is what is causing you to lose yourself in motherhood. But motherhood should be an enhancement of your amazingness, not cause you to lose it. In order to be the mom you want to be, you need to take care of you.
When I became a mom, I thought I needed to give up everything else I cared about during the young mom years. Being a mom was my main responsibility and I couldn’t do anything else if it didn’t have to do with my kids or providing for my kids. When I went down this road of ignoring everything I cared about outside of my kids, I lost me. Someone would ask me what I enjoyed doing, I didn’t have an answer. “I love playing with my kids!” then I’d scramble to come up with something small like, I enjoy reading too….
I didn’t know who I was apart from a mom. Mom was my identity and I forgot that there was so much more to me. Mom is my first job, my main responsibility, but I have other things that I love, that God has called me to do. This led to a lot of problems. I had anxiety, depression, and very little enjoyment in life. I lost my passion and zeal because life became a monotonous day after day chore.
Then I realized that ignoring my calling, ignoring those passions God put inside me was causing these problems. It was causing me to no longer enjoy life. I knew I had to find something to change it. That is where the two things I want to talk to you today come in.
Become a Better You!
Once I did these, I became a better me, I became a better wife, AND I became a much better mom! Ignoring who God has created you to be and the passions He put inside you weigh you down and prevent you from being the mom you want to be. You want to be an even better mom than you are now? Start with these two things.
It’s not those amazing days at the spa or the manicures, pedicures, and hair appointments that help you with self care and preventing you from losing yourself. All that is wonderful, and if you are anything like me it’s time to get into that hair appointment and cover up those grays, but self care is something more.
Self care is taking care of yourself, eating healthy, moving your body, getting in those core needs. Do you know what your core needs are? These are the essential needs that you need to function at full capacity. What is it that you need to feel like a thriving, fully functioning human being? What makes you feel accomplished, fulfilled, and fills your cup? Is there something that needs to happen for your day to run smooth? These are going to be your core needs.
Take Care of You First
If you are pouring into everyone else and not filling up yourself, you are eventually going to run out of the ability to pour and you will lose yourself. You will be empty. You won’t be able to pour into anyone else, your spouse, your kids, your work, any areas you serve, there will be nothing left to give. It’s impossible to pour anything out of an empty cup. You have to be continuously pouring into your cup to be able to pour into other cups. Figure out what you need in your daily life to be filled.
Do you need time with Jesus? Do you need time to meal plan and prep for the week? Maybe you need time to exercise? Time to yourself? A bath? Time to read a good book? Quality family time each week? Date night with your spouse? The list of core needs can be a mixture of basic needs for things to run smooth so you stay sane, and things that pour into yourself. I also have an entire section in Ditch the Overwhelm course to help walk you through creating your own core needs and planning them out in your week!
Finding these core needs and fitting them in every single week is the most effective way to practice self care.
What Do You Need to Be Filled?
- Find a passion outside of your kids
Do you know what you are passionate about other than your family? Maybe you have a heart for missions? Do you love painting? Photography? Writing? Maybe gardening is a huge passion of yours or caring for animals. What tugs on your heart? I don’t mean those tear jerking commercials that used to be on TV years ago. You know the ones. All these poor animals that have been harmed and neglected and they tug on your heartstrings as they are showing you animal after animal and you just want to adopt them all. Remember those?
But what really pulls at your heart. Gets your creative juices flowing, causes excitement to well up within you. Maybe it’s something you were passionate about and participated in before kids or maybe it’s something totally different now. If you don’t know, I encourage you to take some time and figure this out, maybe you did lose yourself already and it’s a struggle to find what you love. You are a mom, and that is amazing! But you are more than that too.
God has given you passions, desires and dreams outside of being a mom and He wants to fulfill that. Those passions and dreams could be part of the calling He has placed on your life. It is up to you to figure out what that is and walk it out so you don’t lose yourself, or so that you can find yourself again! You will feel so much more fulfilled when you do.
Did You Lose Yourself? Find Your Passions Again!
If you have no idea where to start, sit down and write a list. Just write out a bunch of random things. Then start at the top of the list and work your way down. Start trying things, find out what you are good at, what you enjoy, what your passions are. Maybe you feel like you don’t have time to be able to do this. It’s a great way to bring in the family. Trying out these new things, you can all do together! It can be a way to get that quality family time in and everyone can try something new and learn new things. Maybe one of you will find a new passion that can turn into something amazing!
I have known my passion for a long time. Helping others in need, moms, girls, and kids. I knew the end goal of how I wanted to do that, with our nonprofit Restoration Ranch, and with Restored Mama, but while I waited to be able to start these, I found other avenues to spend my time helping others.
What Is Your Dream?
Maybe you have a dream, an end goal in mind that seems impossible. What are some small steps you can take to start walking that out? Are you passionate about helping kids in need? Find a local community shelter you can volunteer in or help out the kids ministry at church. Want to write a book that others all over the world will enjoy but that is just too lofty of a goal? Start with writing small snip-its and putting them out in to the world in a small capacity. Do you love animals? Take your kids with you and volunteer at a local animal shelter.
Maybe your passion has nothing to do with helping other people. That’s fine! Find a way you can incorporate that into your daily life, even if that means bringing the family along with you. It’s great to share your passions with your kids. Odds are one of them will end up sharing in that passion with you.
The key is to find out what you are passionate about, not what your kids or husband is passionate about….what YOU are passionate about!
Your kids will be grown and out of the house someday and you don’t want to be left wondering who you are, or where you went over the years of raising your kids. Show your kids what it means to live a life of purpose, that you can actually enjoy so they don’t end up losing themselves in parenthood down the road like they saw you lose yourself.
You are amazing.
You are amazing in your motherhood and you are amazing apart from being a mom.
Now let’s go out and learn who we are in Christ and grow in ourselves so we can be who we are called to be!
Love you Mama!
Go from overwhelmed with no time to mindful mom: Restored Mama Method!
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